When an important day is coming up there is an extra pressure to look our best. It makes us fixate on the qualities we don’t like about ourselves more than the qualities we do. It’s stressful and can paint many happy times with a shadow of anxiety. This is a time people may hyper fixate on “fixing” themselves. But even if you are sticking to your diet or workout plan or whatever the plan is to change your appearance, there’s a good chance you will always feel some extent of insecurity about it. So how do we come to peace with the qualities about ourselves we feel the most insecure about? Trust us. It is a long winding journey that will loop back many times. But we’re here to impart some of our experience and expertise.
The goal of getting ready for a big day is to look like the best version of ourselves. Not like our friend who has the perfect pilate arms or our sister who could look stylish in a potato sack. The goal isn’t to look good as every other person’s best qualities. How exhausting! Everyone is always trying to put the best version of themselves forward so remember you are comparing yourself to all of their best features. Your friend with the amazing pilate arms may be insecure about her shoe size! Something you probably never noticed but she thinks about constantly.
Now let’s get specific. What is it specifically that you’re nervous about? Is it your arms? Are you afraid of not finding the right fit? Don’t beat yourself up. Write down a list of qualities you do like about yourself and what you like to wear to showcase that. If there is a certain neckline you look great in then set a priority to find something similar. Everyone’s idea of what is flattering is different. You may look good in fitted clothes but that doesn’t mean you will feel comfortable in them. If you feel tight and restricted it doesn’t mean if people say you look good because you will constantly be on edge. When you feel beautiful you will be glowing and that is the most attractive quality. That means wearing
So this is all advice to find a dress. But what if you already have your outfit and you don’t feel great and the big day is close. Do not panic. It is possible to get a new outfit at the last minute. However, it may actually be a better use of our time to find a way to make the most out of a frustrating situation. Can we make sure that our hair is going to look amazing? That we have all of our jewelry perfect? Also, please remember that a certain level of these emotions are connected to how high emotions run around big life events. Some people become less concerned with small decisions while others try to manage their anxieties by hyper fixating. Such as how the sleeve of our dress is a little tight on the side of our arm. When we begin to get upset about our appearance take a minute to ask yourself it is something that is currently solvable and if not is there something we’re possibly really getting upset about.
Feeling good about how we look is important. Don’t belittle those feelings. But remember at the end of the day we are so much more than what we consider our biggest flaws. We don’t think about our loved ones and list off all the physical qualities about them that we don’t like. We may even be completely aware of what makes them insecure but we do not love them any less. We don’t love people despite their flaws.
The final piece of advice. Act like you’re confident. Act like you have already won. People want to be around confident people because they have insecurities of their own. It doesn’t mean that you have to wear a strapless gown cocktail dress when that makes you feel uncomfortable. It means saying to yourself, “good thing I'm gorgeous!” every time a flash of anxiety pops up. Being insecure happens (a lot) and it is all about how we handle those feelings.
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